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Alzheimer’s Caregivers: 7 Ways to Talk About It With Others

Caregivers at home for Alzheimer’s patients face a difficult task not only of taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer’s, but also of having to redefine roles and relationships. A once-independent spouse now needs to accept the fact that they need help. A parent must now be taken care of by the children for whom they’ve provided care all their lives. It is a world that is turning unpredictably upside down for many.

caregiversAlzheimer’s, unfortunately, is one of those “invisible” conditions. If the person looks fine, then they must be fine, right? In fact, sometimes the person with Alzheimer’s may not know that they have been diagnosed with it because even those closest to them are uncomfortable discussing it. However, talking about it is the first step to understanding it and to understanding what you can do to help your loved one. Here are seven ways to talk about it:

1. Be sure the person is aware of it. “You’ve got Alzheimer’s,” is a very blunt way to approach someone, and not the best thing to do for most people. If you are going to be taking care of someone with Alzheimer’s, even if you use a phrase like “memory problems”, be sure they understand that this something that’s going to affect their lives, and that you’ll be there to help.

2. Share the diagnosis. This will help you gain support from others. It also keeps you from feeling like you have to pretend that everything is fine.

3. Talk with your loved one about how to tell others. Close friends and relatives may be told one on one. When former President Ronald Reagan chose to tell others, he did so in the form a written letter.

4. Expect that some people will not believe the diagnosis at first. Especially in its early stages, Alzheimer’s is very hard to notice. Excuses are often offered, such as “Oh, you’re (or he’s or she’s) just getting older.” Instead of trying to force them to see, just accept that they are having a difficult time accepting the diagnosis.

5. Understand that some friends and even family may become very uncomfortable at the idea. They may not know how to respond to it. If some show signs of discomfort, don’t hit them with everything at once. Ease into it a little bit at a time.

6. Let people know that cards, letters, and even visits are welcome. Let them know when good times to visit are. Even mild to moderate Alzheimer’s patients can start to feel shunned by friends and family who won’t come around because they’re unsure if they should.

7. If anyone asks if there’s anything they can do, be ready with a list of suggestions. There’s no need to take this on by yourself, and if you have friends and family willing to lend a hand, accept the offer.

Alzheimer’s is a difficult condition for both the patient and the caregiver. If you can build up a support team of people willing to help, to talk, and to listen, you’ll find you have a lot more options than you may have first thought when it comes to caring for your loved one. Contact us to see how we can help and become part of your support team.

Male Caregivers in Chandler, AZ are on the Rise- It Turns Out That Husbands, Partners, Sons, Grandsons and Nephews Make Great Caregivers Too!

Men are more often assuming the role of caregiver. In fact, data shows that nearly 35 percent of caregivers to the elderly are men. This is a big increase over previous years.

In the past 12 months, an estimated 65.7 million people in the U.S. have served as unpaid family caregivers to an adult or a child. One out of three caregivers — about 14.5 million — are men. That’s a significant number: about 6 percent of all adults in the United States.

And while male caregivers deal with many of the same issues as their female counterparts, they also face some unique challenges.

1. Male caregivers are less likely to be the sole or primary caregiver but are just as dedicated to their role: The duration of their caregiving experience is about four years, the same as women.
2. They’re less likely to provide personal care.
• 24 percent of male caregivers help a loved one get dressed, compared to 28 percent of female caregivers.
• 16 percent help with bathing, versus 30 percent of females.

Some interesting statistics about male caregivers:

• The average age of a male caregiver is 49.
• The average age of the person he assists is 77.
• He usually cares for an aging parent, usually his mom.
• Aging and Alzheimer’s or other types of dementia are the typical reasons the person needs care.

Dr. Edward Thompson, Jr., Professor of Sociology and Director of Gerontology Studies at Holy Cross College, discussed male caregivers of spouses, partners, and the elderly. He emphasized that men provide 40% of the nation’s unpaid care work, and more men (58%) than women are involved in long-distance caregiving. Like their female counterparts, most male caregivers experience some disruption in their lives, particularly with respect to work, social activities, and financial well-being.

Studies also reveal that male caregivers do not verbalize their feelings as willingly as women, and may fail to disclose their burdens to friends, coworkers, physicians, and others. Some male caregivers are embarrassed about helping their wives/partners with personal hygiene and daily activities. Several studies reveal that husband caregivers often worry about not being there for their wives, and feel more powerless, angry, irritable, and likely to use alcohol for self-medication than female caregivers.

Other research suggests that men adapt to caregiving with less adverse impacts on physical and mental health than women. For example, some studies indicate that male caregivers experience less caregiver burden, less anxiety, less role engulfment, and a greater ability to take respite time than do women caregivers. However, research also points to male caregivers’ reluctance to use community services that might benefit them. Such failure to tap into community resources has been attributed to a number of factors, including men’s fear of appearing they cannot handle the situation, unfamiliarity with available services/programs and their benefits, lack of other men using support services, and lack of identification with other caregivers.

Tips for the male caregiver:

• Be honest with yourself. Get support and help for the things you find you can’t do. It’s ok to ask for help!
• Be honest with your friends as to what is happening in your life—friends and neighbors will empathize and truly be understanding of your situation. There is no dishonor in a request for help, and there is no reason to feel embarrassed about the diagnosis of your loved one.
• Educate yourself. Talk to the doctor, a social worker, or a geriatric care manager; ask questions of health-care workers. Inquire about outside services that can provide assistance or support.
• If you have the assistance of formal caregivers or health-care workers, know that they can provide visual examples of how to deal with your loved one. Watch how they interpret nonverbal cures while providing assistance and learn to use these cues when you provide care.
• Don’t doubt yourself. Know that stress, anger, and frustration are common feelings among caregivers.
• If the opportunity arises, offer assistance to other male caregivers. As someone who’s been down the road before, you are a valuable resource.

Caregiving men, although fewer in number, are just as dedicated, diligent and determined to help their loved one live the best life that he or she can. Family caregiving remains the backbone of the long-term care system in this country. Men and women every day give of their time and money, and it’s a commitment that we should all appreciate.

Source: Male Caregiving: Creating a Research, Programmatic, and Policy Agenda for an Emerging Public Health Issue

When researching options for in-home care agencies in Chandler AZ, home care counselors at Endeavor Home Care are available to talk with you about your in-home care needs including how to reduce caregiver stress while providing better, affordable care. We are an elder care agency providing home care in Chandler AZ.